Supporting a colleague who's struggling — what to say and what not to say
by Rosni Hamid·May 25, 2026
A close colleague opened up to me recently about going through a difficult time. I realised I didn't always know the right way to respond. Did some reading and thinking afterward.
What helps:
- "That sounds really hard. I'm here." Simple, presence-signalling, no fixing.
- "Is there anything specific I can do, or do you just need to talk?" Gives them control over what support looks like.
- Following up 1—2 weeks later: "How are you doing with that thing you mentioned?" shows you were listening and they're not forgotten.
What doesn't help:
- "Everything happens for a reason" / "It could be worse", minimises
- "You should try..." / "What you need to do is...", advice when they haven't asked for it
- Immediately sharing your own similar experience, sometimes fine, but can redirect attention away from them
- Telling others what they shared without explicit permission
The underlying principle: Most people who share something difficult need to feel heard, not fixed. Listening without agenda is harder than it sounds.